I Got My Why

(Pls read my previous post about GNM/GHK as a precursor to this one. Since the last post, I have discovered that there has been a name change from German New Medicine to Germanische Heilkunde which means Germanic Healing Knowledge. In this post I will be using the abbreviation GHK to reference this biological science.)

“Since human beings are capable of symbolic thought, we are able to experience biological conflicts also in a figurative sense. For us, an attack conflict can be brought on by an offending remark, a territorial loss conflict with an unwanted move, a starvation conflict through the loss of income, a sexual conflict when our partner is “mating” with someone else, a self-devaluation conflict because of abuse, or a death-fright conflict through the shock of a cancer diagnosis.” –Caroline Markolin, Ph.D

Ductal Carcinoma on the periphery of my right breast. I put on my detective hat and worked backwards from my KNOW to my WHY with help from a GHK (Germanic Healing Knowledge) practitioner.

GHK’s process of ascertaining the conflict that initiates a particular program is based on biological science and embryology. A person’s handedness (if you are innately right-handed or left-handed) is determined the moment the first cell divides after conception. Dr. Hamer discovered that the brain to organ relay corresponds to the three germ layers of which all organs and tissues originate from. Organs of the same germ layer are controlled by the correlating part of the brain which determines the symptoms.

A person’s handedness and the affected tissue/organ gives us clues to discover what conflict program is running. By understanding the program we are able to gauge where the body is at in the healing process. For myself it was vitally important to pinpoint the exact trauma known as a “biological conflict shock” that caused my cells to proliferate. I believed that understanding why my body was doing what it was doing would be the key to assist my body to homeostasis.

The right and left side of the body correlates to Mother/Child and Partner related conflicts depending on your handedness. A “partner” refers to anybody else except your mother or child. What peaked my interest is how the “psyche”-our innate survival knowledge below the level of our awareness- relates to the conflict. For example, if a “Separation Conflict” is triggered due to an event with a partner, the individual’s psyche could trigger the mother’s side if it relates the incident in association with his or her mother. GHK is not only a healing science, it is a process to get intimate with your inner workings.

Dr. Hamer referred to the importance of handedness with the Principle Of Laterality. A right handed person like myself, responds to a partner conflict on the right side of the body and to a mother/child conflict with the left side of the body. The left handed person would experience the opposite. This rule applies to all organs that are controlled by the cerebellum, cerebral medulla, and cerebral cortex (with some exceptions that I won’t get into in this post.) Laterality does not apply to organs/tissues that operate from the brainstem.

Here’s what I discovered: Ductal Carcinoma is a “Separation Conflict” program. It is experienced as a loved one torn from the breast through an unexpected ending or an unexpected separation of a relationship. This program also correlates to wanting to separate due to a sudden conflict involving betrayal, fighting, abuse, ect. Since my tumor was on my right side and I’m right handed, my first clue was that it had nothing to do with my mother or daughter.

The moment I experienced this conflict, concentric circles appeared as lesions on the left side of my cerebral cortex (sensory cortex to be exact) because the right breast is controlled by the left side. There is always a cross over correlation from the brain to the organ with this particular biological program.

“I want you to think of an incident that made you feel like someone was ripped from your breast. This person did something that shocked you.” said the GHK consultant.

I’d spent seven months cleaning out my proverbial closet and releasing my can of worms. I scanned through my major traumas that I made peace with but none fit the bill. I went through my memory catalog unsure of what I was looking for…until I found it and it hit me like a ton of bricks. So much so that my breath caught, my heart stilled and the blood drained from my face. “Yup, that’s the reaction we get when people discover their DHS. They just know it.” she said.

How did I leave this giant worm buried at the bottom of my can? I’d literally dealt with everything else except for the ONE! That’s how deeply my subconscious packed it away for the sake of my safety.

“Looking at the size of your tumor, I’d guess this conflict lasted for about 3 months?” she said. Stunned, I nodded my head.

As I write this I’m amazed at how I’ve grown. I know this because I had the ability to pick up the worm and hold it in my gentle hand. I was able to look at it without my entire system going berserk. I saw a creature made of the earth with its own story and place in the world. I was able to get intimate with it from a place of closure. I wasn’t a victim.

Everything in me told me not to hire her. Living in a small town I was well aware of her history with past employers. My gut twisted as she handed me her resume, looked me in the eyes, and promised me she wouldn’t let me down. My spa was in full swing and I desperately needed another esthetician. I’d worked with her in the past, in another spa and the same aversion I felt for her then resurfaced. Instead of shutting her out I invited her in- deciding to take the high road and hired her.

I used my uncertainty as fuel to overcome my judgment towards her. After all she never did anything to me directly… I wanted to be a better person and gave her the benefit of the doubt. I was growing as a business owner and saw it as an opportunity to grow as a person as well.

My strategy was to give her love. It was obvious that she came from a troubled past and lived a rough life from the little she shared with me. She had great skills and clients were happy with her service so I held fast to that. I allowed my mothering instinct to take over and as a result she opened up to me as I did to her.

Did I do the right thing? It’s only in looking back from where I’m now that I know for certain that I did, because this program I’m running was a catalyst for my evolution.

After a couple months of employment she started to call in sick for personal reasons. I picked up where she left me and rearranged my schedule to cover her shifts. It happened enough times that the knot in my stomach turned into chronic acid reflux. In late November, I ended up in Emergency at the hospital with my guts feeling like it was ripping out from the inside.

Understanding GHK now, what I had was an “indigestible morsel conflict” – a situation I couldn’t swallow which caused my stomach lining to ulcerate. I just didn’t know how to deal with her unpredictable nature. I couldn’t fire her with the busy season coming up and potentially lose her clients. I was stuck in a rock and hard place doing my best to accommodate nine staff members in the midst of my turmoil.

My core crew was a solid group of skilled women who helped me grow my business. It was my priority to treat them well in a business where typically staff came and went. She was the new addition and it was obvious she didn’t fit in.

She approached me one day wanting to report something of importance out of loyalty for me and my business. She proceeded to tell me that an employee disclosed information about my business to a competitive spa in hopes of retaining a position. What this employee apparently shared was sensitive information which put me in a precarious position.

The news came straight from left field. I was shocked that any staff member would do such a thing after working closely with them for several years. I was devastated and confused. I won’t get into the tedious drama of the event that ultimately came to my undoing. What I discovered was that this woman who I took in against my better judgment had fabricated a whole story- with fake texts and emails to try and get my lovely employee fired.

Why would anyone make up such a story? The whole situation mangled me mentally and rippled out into work. I couldn’t deny the strong intuition that something was very wrong- even with the apparent evidence at hand. I started digging for the truth. To my horror, I discovered that there are apps to make emails and texts look like it’s coming from someone when it’s not. The evidence that this girl showed me to frame my other employee was all made up. Not only was the story fabricated with documents to support it, she was the one stabbing me in the back and trying to jump ship.

As I put the pieces together I felt sick to my stomach… expensive items had mysteriously disappeared from the spa around that time. It didn’t occur to me that my employee would steal from me. I could never prove it but my gut knew…

I felt totally betrayed after opening my heart to her and a fool for overriding my intuition to not hire her. Upon her immediate termination I received official looking emails from her lawyer stating that she was suing me for wrongful dismissal. I knew she had the ability to make fraudulent documents to serve her purpose but I had no way to know if they were for real or not.

Email demands for compensation came in regularly, so much so that I was afraid to open my email. My heart constantly raced, haunted by the worst case scenarios. I struggled to keep the high pace required to run my business and my home life. What if I lose my business after everything I put into it? What if I have to go to court? What if she shows up at my house and does something crazy? My sleep was disturbed with cold sweats and nightmares…physical symptoms of what GHK calls Conflict Active Phase. The emails went on…the conflict continued…

Why? Why would she do this? It took about three months of me being in emergency mode to finally let it go. I accepted that I may have to go to court, that I may have to hire a lawyer, and that I may lose the spa over the whole ugly process. I was just breaking even with my new business. The cost of going to court would flush all my hard work down the toilet.

In an attempt to find closure, I even went as far as accepting the crazy event as an act of love. Didn’t she say she was doing it because she cared for me? Maybe the hardships in her life made her show her love in a twisted way… if that’s the case doesn’t she deserve compassion? I moved on and resolved my conflict. I must have buried her deep in my subconscious because when she resurfaced I could not for the life of me remember her name.

During those three months of Conflict Active phase, I lost cells in my milk duct in proportion to the duration and intensity of wanting to separate from her. The biological purpose of milk ducts losing cells is a primitive survival response to widen the ducts. There was no need to nurture this person anymore with my metaphorical milk. It opened up the passage for milk to drain out so that the area would not get congested and cause infection.

Once the conflict was resolved my healing phase began by making new cells in the area of the tissue loss to make the area stronger. This cell proliferation is diagnosed as Ductal Carcinoma- as “abnormal cell activity”. The growth of these particular cells act differently as normal cells so the body can recognize its healing and assist its process.

The nail hit hard right on the head and drove straight down unwavering. My why was finally answered. Learning more about GHK, it made sense that the reason my tumor only grew by two millimeters in six months was because my cells proliferated to the degree of my conflict and it was done growing. It was done because my conflict was not reactivated. Everything I did since my diagnosis was a meaningful stepping stone to my why. I was elated in understanding that healing was already well underway by the time I discovered Lump.

LESSON: ALL ROADS LEAD BACK HOME

“YES” Acrylic on canvas by Maasa