Tag: A Course In Miracles

Becoming Who I Already Am

by Maasaisis

Two days ago I began my 46th cycle around the sun. Being well into the second half of my life I am more interested in how I want to be rather than what I want to be. I’m constantly calling myself out these days. The result of it is that I really can’t take myself too seriously. My pride is such an ego-driven maniac that all I can do is laugh at the absurdity of its righteousness and forgive myself for it. The ego always speaks loudly first in its projectile nature.

I imagine what the world would look like when the invisible line that separates every one of us finally dissipates. What would happen if we all woke up one morning and unzipped our bodies to reveal the sameness in us? Perhaps you’d think that’s boring…but what if we finally found what we were looking for?

This incessant need to fill up life with things and achievements means nothing when we are gone. We only take with us what we’ve always been. The competitiveness, the comparisons, the good and the bad drive us mad. We create our own hell from our own projections and choose to stay there. We do-do-do on the outside when what we really want is peacefully waiting for us to turn in.

These two lumps of mine remind me that I have a choice. I can choose fear and live in hell or I can choose to be free of it. Every moment gives me the opportunity to choose. Fear can be crippling. It shapeshifts to denial and regret which amplifies its power to make me forget that I always have a choice.

I’ve been drawn to the philosophy of Stoicism as of late. The attraction lies in the practice of attention and redirection- to focus on letting go of what we can’t control and directing the mind to the things that we can. I can control my perspective, observations, and actions. So I ask myself ” Am I ok right now?”

Since the ego exists in time it’s obsessed with the future. It replies “Yes I’m ok right now but I might not be later”. Then it creates the most elaborate house of terrors and throws me in. If I can catch the spinning of this tale and tell myself the truth, “yes, I feel super healthy. I’m functioning. Everything is working just fine” then I’m free to live another day.

I’ve been doing this for three and a half years. The ego can only exist as the body. It traps and attaches everything to this suit that I’m wearing on the outside. It keeps everything on the surface, wants to be perfect and live forever. The ego always makes judgments to impose itself onto others to prove itself right. It does not and will never recognize the sameness in us that connects us all which is eternal. So I’m on the lookout to catch the clues to know when I’m not of sound mind.

I will not disrespect the fine suit I’m in and be reckless. This suit is what I’ve got -to learn the lessons I need so I can let it go when the time comes. I must love it, care for it, create from it and spring life from it until then.

Earl Nightingale said, “We become what we think about”. I know this to be true because my life reflects my state of mind. There is no good or bad there just IS. I just happen to have some speed bumps on the contour of my breast that is presently not causing me ill health. It’s a constant letting go of how my breast used to be and my dream about that.

I’m working on being more receptive, less projective, and more grateful. It really is tragically funny how fucking difficult that is. That’s why I really need a sense of humor with an unlimited resource of love and forgiveness to wake up to become who I already AM.

Healing Together

by Maasaisis

Marianne Williamson’s talk was inspiring, liberating and sobering. I’ve been a great fan of her work as her interpretations of A Course In Miracles affirms what I’ve been learning from the book in a way that cements it in. She is witty, passionate and has great analogies to explain what the course is about in layman’s terms.

At 70 yrs old, her energy was powerful and electric. The takeaway for me was that she talked about the 3 days between the crucifixion and the resurrection. We are at a pivotal time where we live in 2 worlds now. One that is dying and one that is being birthed. We are facilitating the shift in consciousness as both death doula and birth doula. We are in between the crucifixion and the resurrection.

The time of the crucifixion as a metaphor, is us being hung up and wounded by our past and living from that place. It’s important to tend to our wounds and be conscious of it and it’s also important to know when it’s time to get off the cross to get resurrected – that can only happen in the NOW. We must choose to release ourselves so that we can heal not just ourselves but the world.

My understanding of the resurrection is waking up to the truth of who we are which is that we are One with all of creation. A Course In Miracles uses the metaphor that we are all rays of the sun not realizing that we all come from the one source. As long as we think we are separate from one another we believe we are separate from what we already are. We can never be separate from what we really are because love made us like itself. It is all encompassing and eternal- always there waiting to be remembered.

We yearn to return to what we already are but maybe it’s not something we just do solo. I’ve done so much deep solo work but it can only get me so far until I can extend it into my relationships. I know this is true for myself.

Marianne Williamson confirmed that ultimately what we do and feel towards others we do unto ourselves. So in every opportunity through our relationships we can fragment or heal through love. It’s important to know that love can also be fierce, powerful, and have boundaries. It’s not just about the fluffy stuff because forgiveness is key to freeing each other and ourselves especially when it feels impossible to do so.

ACM says, “Seek not to change the world but to change your mind about it”. What I’m learning is the miracles the book talks about isn’t about some grand event to make non believers believe. A miracle happens in every moment when we remember who we are. I think that’s enlightenment and it can happen in a fleeting moment of remembrance- when we are free from painful projections of the past which is ultimately fuelled by fear. It happens when we really see ourselves in each other no matter what is being expressed on the outside. At the core we are all of the same.

It’s a practice that’s for sure and maybe that’s why we’re here having this human experience.

Marianne had us think about the hardest event that happened in our lives. I felt my heart clamp down. Then she told us to look at the person to the right, to the left, in front and behind. Then asked us to think of our event again and notice if the feeling changed. For me, the compassion I felt towards others with that instant reflection became not just mine but all of ours and there I found love. Pain is pain, there is no competing that one persons suffers more than another. The tight place where my pain lived softened and I believe we did it all together.

Our Deepest Fear

By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness

That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small

Does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking

So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,

As children do.

We were born to make manifest

The glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us;

It’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we’re liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.

LESSON: “Seek not to change the world but to change your mind about it”

Healing Together- “Cosmic Family”

I WILL GO ON

by Maasaisis

“The purpose of our journey on this precious Earth is now to align our personalities with our souls. It is to create harmony, cooperation, sharing, and reverence for Life.
It is to grow spiritually. This is our new evolutionary pathway.

– GaryZukav author of “The Seat Of The Soul”

Pumping my pedals with power and exhilaration, I’m biking up the mountain through the temple of forested trees. I’m in my sanctuary doing what I love. My entire body swells with gratitude for being able to celebrate my health in such a tangible way. I’m keeping up with my best friend and husband while my heart pumps in rhythm to soul moving music. I’m imbued in the expansive field of a perfect experience.

Then it happens….

What if I’m really not ok? What if I don’t have much time?

This is how my ego hijacks my joy. It not only believes in the finite perceptions it has created, it also needs to sustain it for its survival. It says,” Nothing good lasts forever…”

I’m afraid because I don’t know what’s coming and I don’t want to know. I’m afraid because I want to keep this moment and feel threatened by how good it feels.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’d fallen into versions of the “what if?” drama. Today I catch myself and rather than pedalling through it, I ask Al to stop.

“There’s a bench right up ahead, let’s take a break there,” he says.

I used to withhold my struggles from my beloved, believing I was saving him from the weight of it. I stopped doing that because I learned that rich experience don’t always shine. Sometimes the density of life’s attack is what gives us the opportunity to grow. Sometimes we just need to wriggle in the mess before we can move forward.

Sitting down onto the worn down bench and sensing that I’m about to say something, he looks at me expectantly.

“I got the attack of the funk,” I say. He knows exactly what I mean and readies himself for what’s coming. He looks into me. We are deeply connected, cocooned in the quiet cathedral of trees. The sun rays are sparkling between the spaces in which they stand. It is majestically beautiful.

My outer senses are clashing against my inner conflict while I try to put together what I’m about to say.

“I’m angry because I’m afraid. I’m afraid because I don’t know how much longer I’ll be here…”

“Neither do I but we are here now babe.” he says.

He holds me in his response. The grip of fear eases off by giving it a voice and a witness for it to be heard. Mortality is such an isolating feeling- it amplifies that we are separate and alone which is not true. Mortality is the illusion of the false self that identifies itself with the body. I will exist even when my body is gone. I will go on.

LESSON: I AM NOT MY BODY.

“Breath of Creation”- Acrylic on canvas by Maasa. http://www.maasa.ca

The Breath Of Creation

Come home Beloved to what is real so
You may know who You are.
Open the portal of your inner eye,
Be reconciled with your infinite nature.

The finite realm of Your outer world,
Has shrouded the ever expanding Universe within You.
The world of beginnings, endings and comparisons,
Is an illusion dreamt from a mind that has forgotten.

Remember my Beloved,
You began in the heart of the Great Creator.
You and all of Creation is an extension of
That which You are made of.
What, You may ask?

Your very making is inexhaustible Love.
It is the breath of Creation that gives life to all that Is.
In your dream You have forgotten that
You were made to remember.

The deep longing You feel can not be fulfilled by external means.
As long as you see Yourself separate from what You are,
Peace is a fleeting gift in the matrix of Your own making.

Come my Beloved, awaken and see
Yourself in the eyes of Another.
You are all of the same beneath the cloak of your individuation.

Awaken and be at peace forever. 

-Inspired by the teachings of A Course In Miracles. Written by Maasa

WHO IS THE FALSE SELF?

by Maasaisis

“When a brother perceives himself as sick, he is perceiving himself not as whole.”

– A Course in Miracles

The decision to be the author of my own story means that I must pay attention to who is writing the script. Is it the person who is trying to survive or is it the person choosing to live? For me, the difference is that one is making choices referring to the past and the latter is open to something new.

Close to two years ago I left the conventional medical system for the second time after my lumpectomy. The last bit of information I got was that cancer cells were found in one of my lymph nodes. I’ve solely relied on my inner barometer to gauge my wellbeing since then. I am choosing to live rather than being a survivor. This is no easy feat when my mind projects illusions and entices me to believe in them.

Discomfort is an opportunity for a course correction. Studying A Course In Miracles is teaching me that. My sole intention to share my interpretation of what I am learning is to encode it. Writing about what I’m practicing helps to create new circuits in my brain to reinforce how I want to live.

A Course In Miracles teaches us that we were created to co-create in the “image and likeness” of Source. We were given a mind to extend the love of that which we are made of. Yet we have such difficulties directing it to ourselves and unto others. That is how we became attached to the mind that creates our suffering.

In the boundless freedom to create, we created a mind that identifies only with itself- the false self. The ego mind separated from the unalterable nature of Source to serve its own identity. Its survival depends on us believing in its projections. The projections are based on comparisons because it sees itself apart from everything else. Comparisons lead to judgement, judgement leads to anger, anger leads to pain and the cycle of suffering affirms itself. This is the misperception that the ego miscreated to preserve its role as protector.

Ego refers to the past and chooses the best option for the present. It expands on what has worked for us and tries to protect us from what’s hurt us. This is how it attempts to secure a future but it’s based on the illusion that we need protection. Our ego takes the lead role in the story it writes. Until we recognize who is writing the story we can not change the script.

To heal is to correct the perception that I am broken. To heal is to be certain of who I am. To heal is to redirect my mind to love and reside in our infinite nature.

The greatest obstacle in my life became the greatest opportunity to know myself. To end the conflict with myself, I must recognize when my ego is obscuring my perception to believe in it. I’ve been practicing by paying attention to how I see others. My perception and cues from my feelings tell me if I’m offline or aligned with the divine. It takes a great amount of awareness but that is why it is a practice!

As an artist, I realize why I love to paint. It’s because I love my creations as an extension of Source. My heart informs my hands and my creation informs my mind of my true origin- there I find peace.

PS: My simple understanding of what I am learning in ACM is serving me. I have included Dr. Wapnick’s video to offer a broader view.

LESSON: AWARENESS IS KEY FOR SELF REALIZATION. PAY ATTENTION TO CUES!

“Creatrix” painting by Maasa- More info on http://www.maasa.ca